BYE, BYE, COLUMBUS

TEXT EXTRACTS

COLUMBUS Ten percent of all that gold's mine. Legal documents signed by King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella give me ten percent. It's here, here, in black and white...(Holds up documents.) I was cheated!

PARROT Lawyers! It's the lawyers!

COLUMBUS Black-coated, hellspawn! The Devil visited a lawyer I knew and said he'd give him riches, fame, and a long life in return for his eternal soul and the souls of his mother, father, wife and children. The lawyer said, 'Good, but what's the catch?...That's the kind of men I'm dealing with. They swindled me out of the fruits of my genius. I told them I knew a quick way to the East. And I proved it. But they denied me as the Christ was denied...You hear my story, Polly, and give me your verdict. One thing I know, Pol, I've been fighting blind prejudice and heaven-high ignorance all my life. Everything else is confused...Born in Genoa, wasn't I, Polly? That's true, I think. Trouble is, I've peddled so many stories about myself - I'm a peddler by trade - it's difficult to remember the truth.

PARROT You're the son of Domenico Colombo of Genoa who was jailed for owing money to a cheese merchant.

COLUMBUS That's right, but not so loud., Polly. I'm either an Italian from a Spanish family or a Spaniard from an Italian or even a converted Jew. I look back and ask what is life, Polly?

POLLY Why don't you ask what is a carrot?

COLUMBUS Life is business, Polly. I know, I was a travelling salesman in dry goods for the firm of DiNegro and Spinola for years. One of the best. They were sorry to see me go. But I had a dream. Not just th normal one of fame, money, power. But for something else, above and beyond. I had to prove that I was right and everybody else was wrong...

FRIAR MARCHENA ...In order to succeed you must reinvent yourself.

COLUMBUS That's easy. I've always known I'm the bastard son of Count Columbo.

FRIAR MARCHENA Good . Lies carry their own truth.

COLUMBUS But it is true. Anything I say three times I believe is true. Often twice is enough.

FRIAR MARCHENA Two final pieces of advice. Only deal with the rich nd powerful - those that can help your mission - the rest of humanity don't count, much less read. And get married. It will engender sympathy from your fellow-sufferers.

Copyright Technofilm 1997