READ WHILE YOU WAIT

'I've suffered for my art, now it's your turn.'...RED NOSES

'Is it true lawyers believe all men innocent 'til proved penniless?'...RED NOSES

'How do you know you're God?'...'Simple, when I pray to him I find I'm talking to myself.'...THE RULING CLASS

'There's nothing I wouldn't have done for her and nothing she wouldn't have done for me. So we ended up doing nothing for each other.'...RED NOSES

'I married him for better or worse. He couldnt've done better and I couldnt've done worse.'...RIGHT TIME AND PLACE

'People say I'm so mean I only breathe in.'...SILVER BRIDGES

'I prefer the strong solvent type.'...MOONDOG ROGAN AND THE MIGHTY HAMPSTER

'Drink and women killed my father - he couldn't get enough of either, so he hung himself.'...SUNSETS AND GLORIES

'If you didn't know me you'd think I was a stranger.'...Introduction, PLAYS: 2

'I like my coffee weak, but this is helpless....It's the new grain substitute. Secretly scented, aromatically flavoured! Unique-no coffee, all aroma.'...LAUGHTER

'Vienna is a city where the dead have always outnumbered the living.'...NO END TO DREAMING

Jokes are updated weekly.